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[harveytheayeaye.livejournal.com]

Title: Shock Torchwood
Author: Me, again, sadly
Fandom: Shock Treatment (Rocky Horror "sequel")
Characters: the Torchwood lot, plus Cosmo and Nation McKinley, Farley Flavours, Betty, Judge Oliver and a small cameo from a certain name sharer...
Warnings/Spoilers etc: I'll say PG, I think. Torchwood spoilers for ep 12.


Ok this makes balls all sense to anyone who hasn't seen Shock Treatment, but the stupid plot bunnies did it. AGAIN. I have a lovely lovely bittersweet Jack/Jack fic that I can't bloody finish because the crack bunnies just keep attacking. And I call this a fic, I just mean "Me being random and filling something full of random references nobody is going to get."
I'm pimping Shock Treatment.

Synopsis here
And the songs, which are pretty fun.
~1~// ~2~ //~3~// ~4~// ~5~// ~6~// ~7~// ~8~ // ~9~// ~10~// ~11~// ~12~// ~13~// ~14~

My favourites 2, 6, 7, 8, 9. 2 is teh win and 9 is the "theme"

Shock Torchwood

“Jack, will you please put that camera away and come to bed?”
“Aw, come on, one more photo before you take that nurse’s hat off”
Ianto sighed. Jack lowered the camera. “Have you not had a fun day?”
Ianto giggled and kissed Jack on the nose “It’s been a great day, thanks a heap. Now it’s time to go to sleep Jack!”
~#~
Jack was in a foul mood, snapping at everyone, mostly Ianto. He noticed someone was missing from the team the next day at work. “Where’s Gwen?”
“She’s upset, she had a fight with Rhys last night. They started bitching in the kitchen and she spent the whole night in the bedroom crying” Owen said.
“Owen! Don’t be so heartless! Do you know what it’s like to be a woman?” chastised Tosh.
“No. Thank God I’m a man.”
“Fine, can we leave the domestics where they belong? We have work to do. Local TV station. Seems to be a bigger drain on the grid than normal. Let’s go check it out. Ianto, bring some coffee, and try to make it taste less like crap, that last batch was awful” Jack strode out of the hub.
~#~
The team entered the studio by the back door. A large neon sign flashed Denton. “Denton? Denton? I’d just like to mention that that sounds kinda familiar…” mused Owen.
“Great” said Jack “Owen, Tosh, Gwen you go that way, Ianto and I will go this way”
They split up but were respectively ushered away by minions. Gwen, Tosh and Owen were hustled into the audience. Another clocked Jack and Ianto “ah, you must be the contestants for Marriage Maze…. We were expecting the Majors’… but they haven’t turned up. Still… you’ll do. Diversity. That’s what Mr Flavours is always saying.”
Ianto and Jack were shoved out onto a game show stage. The lights flashed Marriage Maze. From somewhere in the audience Owen could be heard cackling. Jack and Ianto just stood looking shocked, especially as a European in a loud outfit and sunglasses had just appeared and was introducing himself as Bert.
“Jack?”
“Not now, Ianto” Jack snapped.
“Ah!” exclaimed Bert “I see you will have to be sent to Dentonvale! You will learn how to care in a surgical chair! Ricky? Take him away”
Jack was manhandled into a straitjacket and wheeled away in a chair. Owen continued to laugh like a hyena the whole way through.
~#~
Jack was far from pleased. He felt like a canary trapped in this cage... And he was sure he was being watched… Nurse Ansalong was quite hot though
~#~
Ianto skipped in looking rather happier than he had last time Jack had seen him.
“Ianto is that a little black dress?”
“Yes. Face it Jack, that basic black is coming back.”
“Why are you here? Looking for trade?”
“No, I just came to tell you how fabulous I am. I have my own breakfast show. Well, coffee show is more accurate” he giggled.
Nation and Cosmo entered. “It’s time for Jack’s shock treatment”.
Well… the source of the energy drain was no mystery then.
~#~
A noise made Jack awaken. His team were freeing him from this cage. Tosh seemed to be comforting Ianto. They were also accompanied by two strangers. Owen kicked the cage door in and Gwen helped Jack out of the straitjacket. The strangers introduced themselves
“Hi, I’m Betty Hapschatt… I mean Munro.”
“Judge Oliver Wright. I’m a criminologist. I gather you are in the investigation business too.”
“You could say that. So what’s the deal with this place?”
“Dentonvale? It’s a reality TV show, it’s not a real hospital. Most of the shows here are shams: the Faith Factory, Marriage Maze. Even Ianto’s coffee show.” Ianto let out a small sniff.
“Jeez, it’s like Satellite Five all over again” muttered Jack. “Come on, let’s go”
“Not so fast!” came a voice from the door. Two men – one in a suit smoking a cigar, the other in World War Two RAF uniform – were standing there.
“I’m Captain Jack Harkness and this is my business partner Farley Flavours.”
“Have we met before?” asked Jack. “Either of you… you both seem kinda familiar. You look like King Arklesnaar from planet Vole.”
Farley puffed his cigar and raised an eyebrow “You’re not looking at a king. You’re looking at an ace”
“And I’m your long lost twin. Sorta. You’re the me of me. I set this whole thing up out of revenge. You took my name, so I thought I’d get rid of you and take what’s rightfully mine. Ianto.”
“Tough, he’s mine!” Jack shot the other Jack with the stun gun. “Wow. He was like a bad version of me, an id. Look what I did to my id!”
“Let’s go”
~#~
Jack kissed Ianto. “I’m sorry for being in such a crappy mood recently. I promise I’ll make it up to you anyhow, anyhow.”
Ianto smiled “there will be rough times Jack, but we gotta keep going”.