[identity profile] wildannuette.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] vintagemilitary
Story Title: Repercussions
Author Name/LJ: Ann
Crossover Fandom: Buffy: Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, but it’s fun to play.
Summary: Spike should know better then to touch strange objects.
Warnings: Crack fic, mpreg

“I told you not to touch it. Didn’t I tell you not to touch it? Spike!” Jack shook his head, as the sullen vampire refused to answer him, refused to even acknowledge him, just pouted all the more and sank further into the chair.

Into Jack’s chair, in Jack’s office, which Spike had thrown himself into after demanding the Captain ‘sort it’, folded his arms and refused to budge. And he hadn’t, not an inch, all day. Which was more than distracting for Jack’s team, who kept wandering in for advice, or for the sheer hilarity of seeing their boss unable to actually do anything to satisfy the sulky man.

“Spike,” And now their was an obvious whine to his voice, which Spike just had to pick up on, the faint trace of a smirk coming to his lips though he kept completely silent. A feat considering how much the man had chatted two days before, how much of Spike’s flavorful use of profanity and language he’d enjoyed. Until Jack had given him something better to do with his mouth that was.

“Are all vampire’s this broody, or is it just the soulful ones?” Jack couldn’t help the quip as he leant back agaisnt the wall, his fingers just resting in his pockets. If there was anything guaranteed to get Spike talking, get him bitching even, if was the reminder that he had something in common with his equally-handsome-yet-sadly-impotent grandsire.

“Sod off,” Spike’s eyes flashed yellow for a moment, lips narrowed and pressed in a line with no sign of a smirk. “You best be keeping this from the poof too, unless you plan on finding yourself floating around at sea with your bollocks missing.”

It was an empty threat and not one that fazed Jack much, “And here I was thinking you couldn’t get enough of that part of me, Spike.” The Vampire had certainly seemed to have given a lot of attention that way. Supernatural stamina, it couldn’t be beaten, except perhaps by Jack’s but then there weren’t many that could keep up with him.

“Might grow back,” Spike sniffed, hand wiping under his nose, resting his legs on the desk and taking a great delight wriggling his feet about and sending Jack’s papers into disarray. “Would be a shame if they didn’t.” The brief comment was quickly followed by a scowl, “Still, wouldn’t be in the mess if it wasn’t for you.”

Jack wavered or at least appeared too, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, a roguish grin on his face, “I told you not to touch it Spike. Didn’t just hint, wasn’t at all cryptic, did everything but slap a great big ‘do not touch-this means you, Spike’-or hazard label on it.” He pushed himself up, leaning over his desk, palms on it hands spreading his weight as his face came closer to Spikes. “But you did. You picked it up, tossed it into the air, then proceeded to throw it to me. Had I not thrown it right back, I’d be the one in the situation, not you.” He grinned, “And I just can’t pull off mother-to-be.”

Spike snarled, leaning forward so his glare burnt directly into Jack’s eyes, lips barely an inch from the Captain’s, cool air brushing over them as Spike spoke. “Fix it.”

“I can’t.”

“Fucking fix it!” Spike’s hands were on his collar, eyes flashing golden once more, anger obvious and starting the first stirs of arousal in Jack, which couldn’t have been more poorly timed.

“It’s not fixable. If we can’t fix it and your magic people, Wolfram and Hart or whatever, and even the doctor can’t...then we’re out of options.” Jack shook his head, “At least it’s only for nine weeks, if you were a normal guy it would be months but you’ve got that super accelerated healing thing going on for you.”

“Pillock,” Spike snarled the word, none too gentle as he released Jack and flung himself back in the chair. “Not normal for a guy to be carrying-end of.”

Not on this world, or in this time anyway. Jack kept that bit of information to himself, Spike’s brain was bound to overload if he heard anything more and Jack doubted he’d be flattered to know that he goes down in history as the first male to have a baby. Shame Jack hadn’t had the foresight to actually take a look around the museum and see what it said about the baby and its other father, he wondered what the world would have made of him. Lucky he’d known enough about the icon to throw it right back to Spike before it could start implantation.

They’d be no hiding the fact that Angel knew, not if Spike found out that by the time the fifty-first century came around there was a whole wing dedicated to him in the museum of supernatural science. Although it might tickle him to know Angel only got a corridor.

Still it wasn’t worth the aggravation. “Trust me, it’s not so bad.”

“Trust you?” Spike snorted, “I’m starting to think condoms are the way forward, not taking any chances after this.”

“Wise move.” Jack smiled, “Took me a while to figure that one out.”

“Yeah, well-“ Spike paused, eyes narrowing on Jack who merely smiled in response, “You haven’t?” The disbelief was obvious, as he looked Jack up and down.

“Trust me, never doing it again and wild horses couldn’t bring me to tell that one.” Jack stood back, folding his arms, “So are you going to stop sulking then? I mean if it takes one week to stop you moping, say two for it to sink in. By the fourth, you’ll be all over the place and hormones are bad enough on your average guy-you really could kill me, not permanently but-“

“I’d still make it hurt,” Spike looked happy at that prospect, something Jack guessed he should really be worried about. Perhaps not so much now, but in a couple of months time when spike was large enough to really start getting frustrated. So far, as Jack had predicted it hadn’t really sunk in, but he anticipated a week of tantrums, arguments and threats. And looked forward to them all. At least with Spike around, the place wasn’t boring. Though generally Torchwood was anything but that, there had been a lull in activity of late.

“Yeah, well. Then comes the cravings-“

“No, seriously make it hurt. Only craving I’d be having is for blood mate, an’ yours is far better then that crap they give me back home. Could drain you dry and feed myself and the brat, only fair after all. Or I could-“ Spike was looking more and more enthused by the moment, leading Jack to hastily interject even as he wondered when sex got so complicated. He preferred Spike naked and writhing to pregnant and whining.

“Don’t forget weight gain-we’ll have to get you some new clothes- nausea maybe, the baby kicking, stretch marks-“ Jack hid a smile as he watched Spike yank up his shirt, suspiciously eyeing his belly,

“Oh yeah and then childbirth,” He shook his head, “ouch.”

"Ouch?”It was getting harder to contain his amusement at the look of horror on Spike’s face, the way the vampire’s hands roamed his body, finally clutching at his buttocks as his mind lit upon what he perceived as the only available exit.

“Excruciating. Shame they don’t have such great painkillers now, but I’ve heard breathing works.” Jack turned away, swallowing back the laughter as curled fingers around the door handle. He already knew how the baby would be born, magic and technology combined to transport it out, pain-free.

“I don’t breathe.” Spike ground the words out, enunciating each one as Jack schooled his expression into one of sympathy. He knew he’d pay for it later, would have to use all his charm to woo Spike back, but right now he couldn’t resist.

“Yeah, forgot,” he glanced back over his shoulder, eyeing the vampire in full game face, heart jumping slightly at the sight, though it was more from arousal than fear. “Well just have to use the old fashioned technique then-“ Jack shut his office door, locking in the sounds of horror he knew would come and turned around leaning back against it.

“Grit your teeth, and bear down.”


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