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[harveytheayeaye.livejournal.com]

Ok, it's acutally less than a thousand, but it's cracktastic crossover.
Title: Let's Do the Time Warp Again.
Author: me harveytheayeaye
Fandom: Rocky Horror and Torchwood. and Doctor Who. If you squint a little
Ratings: It's actually ok. Slight slashy undertones. 
Warnings: It's really bad. Oh, those warnings. Spoilers for RHPS. and minor spoilers for Torchwood episode 4. (I say  spoilers, I mean "it's not gonna really make sense"
A/N: Not mine, they belong to the Beeb or Richard O'Brien. I got attacked by a rabid plotbunny whilst trying to write my Jack/Jack fic. (I have writer's block for that)

Two figures dressed in preppy seventies clothes had just appeared in Roald Dahl Plass, looking confused. The male adjusted his glasses and the female grabbed onto his arm.

“Brad, let’s get out of here. I wanna go”

“How many times Janet? We can’t ‘go’ anywhere till I get to a phone”.

A tall figure rose up from the pavement dressed in a long RAF coat. And a lot of make up. He grinned at the newcomers. Janet’s eyes widened and she shrank behind Brad. Brad thrust out his hand jovially to shake hands “Hi. My name’s Brad Majors and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.”

“You’re wet” the stranger observed.

“It’s raining…” said Janet.

“I have towels. Come down to the lab, and see what’s on the slab. Probably a dead Weevil, knowing this place. Captain Jack Harkness by the way”

###

Brad and Janet entered a strange looking place, to be confronted by three people jumping to the left, stepping to the right and going insane with pelvic thrusting.

“What are they doing?”

Jack replied “the Time Warp. Again.”

“What’s that?” Brad gestured towards a strange looking contraption.

“That’s the Time Rift”

“Oh…”

“Owen, Toshiko, Gwen… Jack’s back” A butler, a maid and a tap-dancing Welsh girl all greeted Jack with warm kisses and took his coat, revealing a basque and suspenders. Janet fainted into Brad’s arms.

“What? Does it make my ass look big? I thought I looked rather sweet, like a sweet omnisexual, from … the future… ah-ha. Pizza? Meat feast?”

Janet looked on the verge of collapse again. “Just go with it, they’re obviously some sort of rich weirdos” said Brad out of the side of his mouth”.

“Everything is ready Captain” said Owen.

“Excellent. I’ve been making a man, to make my coffee. He’s also good for relieving my tension. Come.” He motioned for them to follow. “Oh, you’ll need to take your clothes off and put on these lab coats”

They followed Jack and his companions down into the depths of the Hub.

Janet’s eye was caught by a room full of metal bits and possibly blood. “What’s in there?” she asked.

“There were androids fighting, Brad and Janet… Delivery girl and my last creation. They shared a brain. How’s that pizza by the way?” he leered.

They finally reached a room full of switches and cables and all sorts of paraphernalia. And a human body. Wearing silver underwear.  Jack began pressing buttons manically. “Throw open the switches with the sonic screwdriver!”

There was an almighty shower of sparks and the creature roared into life.

“Oh Ianto! In just seven days I can make you look good in a suit. Brad and Janet, why don’t you stay for the night? I’d offer you a bite, but it’s only the Weevils that bite round here.” With a wink he disappeared off with his creation

~#~

Jack left Janet’s room. Even after years of sexual experience, there was nothing quite like the buzz got from being someone’s first. In Brad and Janet, it seemed like Christmas and his birthday were coming together. That’d be a first

~#~

After a rather interesting first night with Jack, Ianto awoke and wandered out into the Hub, where he was chased by the guard pterodactyl

~#~

Feeling shamed Janet decided to explore the Hub and her feelings. Wandering around she found a monitor, showing Brad with their host, who was turning out to be a man of little morals. And some persuasion. She sobbed and then gasped as she heard a groan from the corner. It was Ianto, covered in bruises from his earlier fight with the pterodactyl. “You poor thing” soothed Janet and began ripping strips off her petticoat to dress his wounds. Ianto thought Janet looked rather appealing. Janet had tasted forbidden fruit. Emotion is a powerful and irrational master.

~#~

Gwen and Toshiko settled down to a rather interesting show. “Tell us about it, Janet!”

Jack appeared, looking dishevelled. “What’s this? Wow.” He stood open mouthed, watching Janet and Ianto.

“Aren’t you upset Jack?” Gwen asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Ianto” he called over the communicator “I need you to come out here and work some coffee magic”

Owen came dashing through “There’s someone on the monitor, Captain”. He pressed a few keys and the display flashed up. Their new guest was making his own way down to the Hub.

Ianto and Janet joined them, looking slightly embarrassed.

The new guest appeared.

“Nice to meet you Doctor Scott, or should I say … ‘Doctor’?”

“Jack, come with me in the TARDIS.”

“I’m going home” said Jack.

The Doctor laughed. “How sentimental, and also presumptuous of you. I just fancied a quickie”

“Sorry Jack” came Owen’s voice. “You are to remain here… in spirit!” he fired a shot from his gun, killing Jack.

“NOOOOO!!!” Ianto cried, picking up Jack’s body to carry him away.

~#~

Jack woke with a start. Someone was carrying him. “Ianto?” he asked sleepily.

“Sir, you really need to stop falling asleep while watching those science fiction double features.”

“Oh…” said Jack. A wide grin spread itself across his face “Say…. Ianto… you wouldn’t happen to own a pair of gold pants would you?”

 

Comments

[reddaisy-cecily.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahaha this is absolutely fantastic.

I tried so hard not to laugh out loud so as to not wake everyone in the house up. I gave up when I got to "A butler, a maid and a tap-dancing Welsh girl all greeted Jack with warm kisses and took his coat, revealing a basque and suspenders.

Say…. Ianto… you wouldn’t happen to own a pair of gold pants would you?

I want to see Ianto in gold hotpants... thats a little scary actually. Still hoping though!

[mrsbronski.livejournal.com]

*snort*

Hehehehe. The delivery girl/brain/creation bit was clever!